The Problem with Validation

The Inconsistent Nature of Validation

I used to think the problem with validation was that it was inconsistent. It's hard to predict what will 'please' another person when people can be completely different. In order to 'please' one person I would frequently displease another by the very same action. To further add to the complexity of external validation, people will appear along a spectrum of highly rational to highly irrational at any given moment in time.

A Mixed Feeling

I think there was a period of time where I accepted that this wasn't a one hundred percent thing and the best I could ever do was to try and achieve the best percentage rating that I could manage. Maybe I could give up on 'pleasing' people I didn't overly respect and focus more of my energy on 'pleasing' people that I had respect for, I thought to myself. Not too long after this decision I started to notice a new problem. I was finding it difficult to see the possibility of having a different opinion to someone I respected without this being a potential issue. In my mind it was hard to have a good friendship if I had completely different opinions around certain things. This misunderstanding in my thinking almost froze me from pursuing more of the things that my own curiosity wanted me to pursue. Thankfully at some point in time I decided to say to heck with all of this; life isn't worth living when I'm rarely feeling like I am living life for myself.

The Real Problem with External Validation

Sometime after I had given up on the 'Pursuit of Validation' I began to see the true nature of validation and the real problem that had existed. I started to see that there is no such thing as external validation. I began to see that validation only exists in my own thinking, therefore the feeling of validation was only ever coming from myself. Validation was never coming from another person, it was simply a trick of the mind I was continuously fooled by. In the acceptance of this embarrassing inconvenient truth I felt a little piece of freedom and it is in this truth where some misunderstandings in my thinking have fallen into.


Have you ever pursued the validation from other people? Would you like to have a clearer head? If you have any insights, questions or recommendations feel free to leave a comment or drop me anĀ e-mail.